YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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