you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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