Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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