i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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