I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
vagina is talking i cant
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
