even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
