my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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