So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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