you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
