And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize