i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
