Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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