so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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