He uses pillows to masturbate.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
