Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize