Welp...herpes.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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