Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
