why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
