All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
