This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
