epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
