This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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