do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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