i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
