i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
