how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
