i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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