sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
