There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
