Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
