It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize