Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
