pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
