Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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