Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize