Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
the liver wants what the liver wants
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
