it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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