I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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