did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
