this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize