Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
