Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
