Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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