i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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