Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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