I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
