I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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