you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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