Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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