I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
