you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
