update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
