Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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