can we get nightvision for the apartment?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I use my feet as sexual weapons
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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