He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
