I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
