the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize