Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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