I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
