from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
