What did we do last night that was yellow?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
