Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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