I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
