He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
