end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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