I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
