Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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