mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
