There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
