Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
