I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
