Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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