I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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