for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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