yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
