I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Let's get the cat blown out
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
