I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
