hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
